So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
