it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize