come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
