I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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