Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
