Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
