she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
