I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
