yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
