Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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