I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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