Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
