In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
