I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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