wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
