Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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