I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
