he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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