I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
