can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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