Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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