Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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