I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
