I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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