can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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