totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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