only you would photoshop your dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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