Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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