I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
