You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
