bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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