I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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