he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
