I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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