I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
