I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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