Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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