Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
