Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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