mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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