She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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