Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
