I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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