dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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