So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
