so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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