She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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