Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize