brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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