Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize