Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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