Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
