3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
