I understand Curling. That high.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
