Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
