the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
