shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
