So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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