someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
