Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
