Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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