Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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